I'm sitting on my mom in laws favorite part of the couch while Rod sleeps next to me with wrestling on the new tv we bought dad. Amianan is upstairs sleeping in her papa's childhood room, and mom and dad sleep in their bedroom downstairs. It hit me hard today..the fact that mom is really sick and that it may be terminal. I keep thinking of Rod, Amianan, Dad, Rich, Denise and all of our families mixed with the future and what it will look like.
While I was putting Aming to sleep, I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness and I started to cry. Amianan put her arm around my neck and told me, "Be happy Mama, don't be sad, don't worry mama" I can tell mom is happy when Amianan is around, but I can see it in her eyes that she's sad that she can't get up and dance with her, play with her and sing songs with her. It breaks my heart each time is see mom. I miss her stories, her dirty jokes, her feisty-ness..
but I also think of the survivors and that gives me hope. Even when medicine says there's no other way, there are times when they were proven wrong. I hope and pray they are wrong...
