First day @ school

It was amianans first day of school.

rod left for a dcyf meeting at 8am and i had amianan to myself this morning. she slept from 8pm -8am. she's been doing that since we came back from LA. i hope it stays that way for while. i can get homework done at night. after i fed her breakfast, she went back to bed for a morning nap. one of our apt managers knocked on my door around 945 to remind me of the alarm testing. the alarm testing happens once a year, and its the most annoying piercing sound ever. hellaa loud. i had to wake her up and put her in the other room so i can muffle the sound but she woke up during the transfer. i got everything ready for her first day, packed up her food, milk and a batch of magic bullet mashed potatoes i made last night. this girl LOOOOOOOOVEs her patatas!
i tried to cut her nails and my dumb ass used the nail cutters for the first time and cut 3 of her little fingers. they wouldn't stop bleeding. i put pressure on them, washed them, tried to put band aids..nothing workeD! rod came home, and helped get her ready. her fingers kept bleeding that the blood got all over rod and her new clothes. we got out the house and headed to walgreens to get the liquid bandaids but that shit was bootleg. didnt even work. eventually it stopped. we got her to school on time and by the time we got there she was knocked out.
this whole time, i was thinking that we both would cry when i dropped her off, but totally the opposite. i put her in her bed, gave her blanket and book. signed in, put her food away and we were off. i was feeling good about it. rod on the other hand...was sad..
i was able to get my one stop card, tried to buy a book at the bookstore but after looking at that line..i said fuggeddaboutit.
we headed to fcc to do some work. productive typing and reading while pumping.
we worried, missed, thought about amianan
we thought she would be crying when she wakes up not seeing us around
i picked her up and she was getting her diapers changed. she was all smiles..happy to see mommy. she was a good student today. she slept for an hour after i dropped her off, she met new friends, played with them, ate up her mashed patatas but refused her milk and fruit. we were happy
we took her home to give her a bath and then get ready for our pep meeting back at state.
shared river of lifes with folks in PEP and snuck out with michelle ferrer to buy that damn book i needed for class and walked out with a new back pack. got there just in time for closing.
now were home. she didnt get to sleep at 8 instead rod had to sing to her and she fell asleep at 1045. hopefully this doesnt fuck up her schedule.
tomorrow..is studying and going to ccsf for PEP.
vaya con dios

Back in the academic grind

I had my Educational Leadership Orientation last saturday. it was from 9-4. Homegurl Gwen is in my cohort among these chancellors/vice chancellors, principals, abcdefg type folks. It was overwhelming. I kept telling myself that i can do this. that its only 3 long years of my life. then i have my doctorate. i've been through struggle and pain, i can endure another type of struggle. i kept telling myself that the reason why i do this is for amianan and all the young people to have an equitable education. and all day i thought about amianan. how she was doing. if she was crying. if she was hungry. i also missed rod. the 3 of us are so inseperable, that one being out causes major seperation anxiety.

rod had his first day of school that afternoon as well. ninang nikkie watched for a few hours till i picked her up. i have 8 teachers for 3 of my classes. met some folks from my cohort. then i peaced out, picked up amianan, ate dinner, and knocked out.

today was amianans orientation at the day care at sfsu. she got to meet her teachers and classmates. she even rolled around the floor and showed them a few tricks. ninang allyson and manang laya came too. it was amazing seeing other children her age. she's so used to being around college kids that this was a breath of fresh air for rod and i. one of my youth from girlsource has her son in amianans class. i was like..i know you. shantay was one of my first students in my CLP classes. she can spit hot fiyah. her son is adorable. she was 15 when she was in my program, now she's going on 20 with a son and is in prenursing at sfsu. what a small world.

amaians first day of school is on wednesday. i packed her stuff in her cubby and she's ready to go. i just think rod and i arent ready for it. i think amianan knows. our lives are changing so often, i dont know when i can rock steady. but for now, we're riding the waves together as a family. thats how ilocanos roll..represent! ;)

Sacramento

We had our fall 2008 PEP retreat in sac this past weekend. it was coooooool! i felt so relaxed. there was not one time where i felt stressed out. just a little i guess. but thats about it. i think it was when we went swimming at the cabana on friday. it was amianans first time in the pool. she cried at first but after a while she got used to it. she watched the other kids swim and she was chillen. i wasnt sure when to change those swimmer diapers, feed her, i guess it was just anxiety. other than that, amianan was good the whole weekend. it was tiring for sure. but i was able to let loose with the teachers this weekend. everyone plays with amianan..and mahalaya was so cute with her too. but on the way home, amianan cried from sac to vacaville. she wouldnt stop. we stopped to feed her then after a few minutes she knocked out. jocyl and i slept all the way to daly city. poor thing! we didnt get home 10pm.

we got back and i unpacked and repacked for our 830 am flight.

woke up at 6am, out the door by 705 and into sfo by 715. we had enough time to grab a breakfast sandwhich and a decaf. when we were in the plane, we had to wait for 20 minutes and amianan would not stop crying. she was crying soooo bad. for 40 minutes. i changed her 3 times, fed her and she still cried. of course we got the looks, and the guy in front who kept putting his headphones closer to his ears. but whatever.i didnt give a flying fuck! they can kiss my ass.

i finally got her in a cradle position and she fell asleep the whole ride until we landed. i bjorned her and we were on our way. rods parents picked us up and we went straight to riverside. she loves it here...laughs, sleeps, play. the 3 of us felt relaxed now that we're on vacation. we went to red lobster last night with the family and the dagdagans. then today the 3 of us went to cabazon. bought our moms dooney bags and i finally gave in and bought me a coach sling purse. had to have one. so i dont have to put my wallet, sunglasses, camera and phone in her diaper bag. its like 10 lbs heavier..so with a sling purse, i can sling it over my shoulder and not worry about putting it down when i change her diaper. i almost left a purse in the bathroom and thats when i started sharing amianans diaper bag.

tomorrow, we'll be going to lakewood to spend time with my fams and go to mai tais, take amianan to the aquarium and chill. we go back up friday night and i have orientation and rod has his first day of class!
yeah
more to
come

raiders & grandparents!

my folks and sis were town this weekend. They came friday afternoon, but we already planned on tailgating for the raider game and watching it at 7pm. it was the raiders vs. the 49'ers and amianans introduction to football. she had her raiderette outfit on. she was soo cute. but she was really cranky during the game. it was cold and i didn't come to prepared for her. she was scared from all the noise whenever the raiders scored. there was a fan next to us who introduced himself and gave amianan $5.00. he said it was tradition in his family to give a baby money when they first meet. its good luck. sure was cause the raiders won that night! there was a younger 49ers fan close to us too. little boy all in red! but he didnt get any money. i was about to beat some people up though..nikkie and i took amianan to the bathroom to change her wet diaper and when we got out of the bathroom, half time just started! so a flood of people came into the hall ways. it was so hard to get to our seats. the baby was crying so bad, i was shaking trying to protect her, nikkie was trying to lead the way and block people and some fans tried to help us. by the time we got to our seats i was about to lose it. i started crying and hugging the baby. crazy drunk people. im never changing her during half time! 3rd quarter amianan and i watched the game on a monitor by the top of the stairs. we won! we left when the 4th quarter started so we can beat the traffic and get the baby home to play with her grandparents and auntie.

auntie michelle went to a wedding on saturday and grandma and grandpa watched amianan while we went on a date. we watched dark knight! it was soooo bad ass! i love that movie. it was good to go out and just be couple..but i realllllly missed amianan. i kept thinking about her and i missed her soo much! i came home and the baby was asleep. she drank 4 oz of milk and ate arroz caldo. she woke up once i got in the room. but its ok..i hugged her a lot and gave her kisses ;)
she fell asleep at midnight though..not good.

sunday morning we all watched the usa vs china basketball game and grandpa took amianan out on a walk around the block. they came back in half an hour and she was asleep. they left at noon and rod, amianan, jocyl and i went to pistahan for a while to check out the bayanihan stage. it was a nice sunny day to be out.

we got home and worked worked worked on our lesson plans for sfusd.!

Third world baby food

So i've been feeding amianan all sorts of jarred baby food and she hates it. she eats a little cause its different then refuses to eat it. she also hates rice cereal. i try to be patient with her and sit with her to eat... but i dunno. i've been trying earths best and the sweet potato is aiight but the peas and carrots..YUCK! i can't blame her. she's probaly thinking the same thing. i also gave her apples in a jar. yuck too. so i was like fuck it i'll buy some bananas and avocados. easy to make. just smoosh it add a little breastmilk cool.. she likes the bananas but i had to stop giving it to her cause she hasn't taken a shit since last tuesday.

so i've been researching all sorts of stuff online. and i found an article that was talking about how there is a western bias on how to feed babies. there is no scientific study as to why you should feed your baby rice cereal first, or that if you start your babies on sweet food they would have a sweet tooth and refuse the bland stuff. then i see a show on parent tv and this lady made sweet potatos with pears and added paprika. she said that your baby ate all sorts of stuff when she was in the womb and tastes everything from your milk that it shouldnt hurt your baby. so00000 many contradications. who's right, whos wrong?

so i decided to call my cousin julie. my god daugher jaelyn is 4 and she eats everything. all filipino food, she looooves fruits and veggies. anything you give her, she will eat it. i asked julie what kind of baby food did she feed jaelyn and with attitude she said. BABY FOOD?! what baby food? have you tried that shit. that shit is nasty. you would give that to your baby? i was like . ummmm i already did. then she went on about her parents never buying baby food and that she just ate whatever mom cooked. she did the same with jaelyn. she only gave her rice cereal in the morning, but with lunch and dinner, it was rice (rice cooker rice)with some sort of soup with it. and when jae got older, julie would add the chicken or fish.

then i thought about it. relatives in the barrio of the phils don't have food processesors and fancy ice cube trays, baby bowls and spoons, shit, they dont have 99% of the bullshit i relay on everyday. why am i trippin about what i feed my child? i know this is my first baby and i want to make sure i do everything right but what is right? whos standards? western ideals? am i conforming to what so called experts say? most of these experts are not 3rd world women of color. they don't talk about the "ethnic" way to raise a child.

so i really really thought about it. what can i feed amianan? what would she like? rod and i can cook some mean ilocano food (without patis and bagoong cause i'm allergic) we dont put hella salt on our food. we dont eat too much sugar here cause rods diabetic. we eat really healthy in our household. i was thinking of sinigang, sotanghon, arroz caldo, (all sodium free of course)..amianan would love that. i can also do fruits..mangos, bananas, papaya, peaches

today, nikkie, amianan and i went to Karilangan in South City and i thought i would give it a try. we ordered sampalok with chicken..YUM..i got a little bowl, put the sabao and rice..let it sit and i tried to smash up the rice but it was too hard. so i scooped up some soup can let amianan have a little taste. her face was funny cause it was a little sour, but she kept smacking her gums after like she was trying to figure out what that taste was. then she kept reaching towards the bowl and kept saying mum mum. i gave her little by little. they i ate then nikkie fed her a little. she LOVED IT! but i had to stop cause i didnt want to give her a stomach ache.

i'll still see if she would take some baby food, but i'm making it this time. and filipino food..yum..this will force us to cook rather than eating out all the time.

i'll read the books and i'll use their advice as guidelines..or take the best and leave the rest kinda deal..but really..who are they writing these books for?